The Mad Blog

Looking Back to See Forward

Looking Back to See Forward

The Blogosphere has a great history of guest Blogging - my alter-ego had a few posts on AmyO is a Geek a while back. it is very much part of the communal spirit amongst people who pour out their thoughts to the world - sometimes with full disclosure, sometimes with names changed to protect the innocent, and sometimes anonymously. It is, therefore, with a sense of great honour that I share this guest post with you by The Daily Blat.

Looking Back to See Forward

When I was 16 years old and the O'Level English paper gave 5 headings for us to choose as the topic for our Creative Writing final exam paper, I had no hesitation in choosing "Loneliness" as my subject.

At that young age I had no difficulty in telling the exam board the meaning and feelings this evoked in me. I went on to get an "A" as my mark and as this was so far beyond my fierce English teachers prediction of me getting a C for my abilities.

I can imagine her bewilderment at what I pulled off and although she appeared to be one of those teachers with a distain for me and youth in general her shock at my grade did make her select me as the student to receive the schools award compelled her to award me the schools best pupil award for English.

So what in my paper on Loneliness took a C student to an A? I imagine it was the feeling left with the reader as I could expertly describe this topic and I wonder how many other teenagers that day also were experts in writing on isolation, non acceptance eve within themselves and such things as being experts at eating disorders and self harming.

I wonder how the examiner might differ in this day and age; would he/she feel morally obligated to do more than to reward me with a good grade? In reading my account on the subject and describing the pain in such a way that I imagine and human would feel concern I wonder what the examiner felt.

If it were now (30 years later) I hope an adult reading a paper on loneliness and seeing how it may lead to bulimia nervosa and hurting yourself might feel compelled to do something more. This was probably the only place, an exam paper, where I could write of my ugly secret of self loathing at binge eating and vomiting and the pain inside I felt. At the time I felt I was the only pupil who would have chosen this topic but now I can see it was there for a reason and possibly an easy choice for all teens to write on.

When my own 10 year old daughter ever says she thinks she is fat or no good at things, I am so absolute in my need to protect her self image and esteem and knowing the real answer lies within herself to build self love and acceptance, I know what to say instinctively.

I assure her that her body is perfectly formed, that she is so beautiful inside and why that beauty is the most important and that our she is loved for exactly how she is and doesn't need to be anything else than the special person that she is.

I teach her the importance of balance in life and letting go of those negative thoughts that haunt us all and how to replace them by seeing things a different way.

I assure her that her feelings are normal and part of growing up and that everyone has these doubts. I explain to her that it took me 40 years to start truly understand and believing; smiling inside and trusting and liking who I am and that it's important to tame the mind.

Writing truths about myself and my thoughts, experiences and feelings is a significant indication of my self acceptance and feeling part of a world I no longer feel alone in is a beautiful place to now be. I accept myself and trust in those around me to sometimes like me but it not need to make me feel isolated if they do not.

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Lovely words. I think it's so important that we accentuate the positive for our children - they see so much negativity around them.
- Posted by Lisa D on 13-May-2016